Someone you love has passed away, and now you've been asked to stand up and speak about them. That takes real courage, especially when you're still processing the loss yourself.
Here's something worth hearing right now: you don't need to be a writer. You don't need to be a public speaker. The people in that room aren't expecting a performance. They're hoping for something honest. And honest is something you already know how to be.
This guide walks you through how to write a eulogy step by step, from gathering stories to putting words on paper to actually delivering it without falling apart. You'll find examples you can adapt for a parent, grandparent, or friend, along with practical tips for what to do if you're terrified of speaking in front of people. Because most of us are, and that's completely fine.
What is a eulogy (and how is it different from an obituary)?
A eulogy -- sometimes called a funeral speech -- is a spoken tribute you deliver at a funeral or celebration of life. It's personal, it's emotional, and it's meant to help the people in the room feel who this person was; not just know what they did.
An obituary, on the other hand, is a written notice published online or in print. It informs a wider circle that someone has passed away and typically includes biographical details, surviving family members, and service information.
Think of it this way: the obituary tells people what happened. The eulogy helps them feel what was lost.
You might need to write both. If so, our obituary examples and writing guide and simple obituary templates can help with that side of things. But for now, let's focus on the eulogy, the words you'll say out loud.
How to write a eulogy in 6 steps
You don't need to sit down and write something brilliant from scratch. The best eulogies are built, not born. Here's how.
1. Gather stories before you write a single word
Before you open a laptop or pick up a pen, reach out. Text your siblings. Call an old friend of your parent's. Ask your cousins. The question to ask everyone is simple: "What's one thing about them you never want to forget?"
You'll be surprised what comes back. A story about your dad sneaking extra dessert to the grandkids. The way your mum always answered the phone the same way. How your friend once drove four hours in the rain to help someone move.
Look through photos, old cards, text messages. These details are the raw material for everything you'll write.
2. Choose one defining quality as your thread
Don't try to tell the story of someone's entire life in five minutes. You can't, and you don't need to.
Instead, pick one quality that captures who they were. Their humour. Their stubbornness. Their quiet generosity. The way they made everyone feel welcome. Then build your eulogy around that single thread. Every story you include should connect back to it.
This gives your eulogy focus. Instead of a list of events, it becomes a portrait.
3. Follow a simple structure
Every eulogy needs three parts. That's it.
Opening (30 seconds) Introduce yourself and your relationship. Then offer one sentence that captures the person. Something like: "My dad was the kind of man who'd give you his coat in a snowstorm and then apologize that it wasn't warmer."
Middle (3-5 minutes) Share two or three stories that illustrate your thread. Keep them short, specific, and vivid. A good eulogy story has a scene, a place, a moment, a line of dialogue. "He always said..." is weaker than "One Christmas, he looked at the burnt turkey and said..."
Closing (30 seconds) End with what they leave behind. You can speak directly to them. You can share a favourite quote. Or you can simply say what the world looks like without them. There's no formula here, just honesty.
4. Write like you talk
The biggest mistake people make is writing a eulogy that reads like an essay. It shouldn't. It's a conversation you're having with a room full of people who loved the same person you did.
Use their name, not "the deceased." Use contractions. Write "she'd" instead of "she would." Read it aloud as you go. If a sentence sounds stiff when you say it, rewrite it until it sounds like you.
You're not being graded. You're being real.
5. Keep it to 3-7 minutes
That's roughly 500-1,000 words spoken at a comfortable pace. Short and sincere will always land better than long and meandering.
If you only have two minutes' worth of things to say, that's enough. Some of the most powerful eulogies are the shortest ones. A single story told well can say more than ten minutes of biography.
6. Ask someone you trust to read it
A fresh set of eyes catches awkward phrasing you've gone blind to. A trusted friend might also remind you of a story you forgot, or gently flag something that's better left private.
This is also your emotional rehearsal. If you can read it to someone without breaking down completely, you'll feel more ready for the day itself. And if you do break down, that's useful information too. You'll know which parts hit hardest and can prepare for those moments.
Eulogy examples for different relationships
These examples are starting points, not scripts. Use them as a eulogy template -- take whatever resonates and make it yours.
Eulogy example for a parent
> My name is Sarah, and Margaret was my mum. > > If you knew my mother, you knew her kitchen. Not because she was a great cook, she'd be the first to tell you she wasn't. But because that kitchen was where everything happened. Tea at the counter when you had a bad day. Birthday cakes that leaned a little to the left. Arguments about politics that always ended with someone laughing. > > Mum had this way of making you feel like whatever you were going through was completely normal, even when it wasn't. When I called her at 2 a.m. the night before my first job interview, panicking, she didn't tell me to calm down. She said, "Well, what are you going to wear?" And somehow that fixed it. > > She wasn't loud about love. She didn't say it constantly. She showed it by remembering what you mentioned weeks ago. By cutting out newspaper articles she thought you'd like. By driving across town in January because you mentioned you were out of soup. > > The world feels quieter without her. But every time I sit at my own kitchen counter, I feel her there. And I think that's exactly where she'd want to be.
~250 words / approximately 2 minutes
Eulogy example for a grandparent
> Everyone called him Pop. Even people who weren't related to him. > > Pop was the kind of man who fixed things. Lawn mowers, leaky taps, broken hearts. He didn't ask what was wrong, he just showed up with his toolbox and a cup of tea and sat there until you were ready to talk. > > He fought in Korea, but he never talked about it. What he did talk about was fishing. Endlessly. If you made the mistake of asking about his best catch, you'd better clear your afternoon. > > Pop taught me that kindness doesn't need to be complicated. Sometimes it's just showing up. Sometimes it's a toolbox and a cup of tea. > > Thanks, Pop. We'll take it from here.
~130 words / approximately 1 minute
Eulogy example for a friend
> I met Amir on the first day of university, when he knocked on my dorm room door holding two coffees and said, "I don't know anyone here either. Let's fix that." > > That was Amir. He walked toward people, not away from them. When I got divorced, he didn't give me advice. He just drove over, put on a terrible movie, and sat on my couch eating pizza until I started talking. When I finally did, all he said was, "Yeah, that's rough." And somehow that was everything I needed to hear. > > Amir believed that being a good friend wasn't about grand gestures. It was about being the person who actually answers the phone at midnight. Who remembers your dog's name. Who sends you articles about things you mentioned once, three months ago. > > I'm going to miss those midnight calls. But I'm going to keep answering the phone, because that's what he taught me.
~170 words / approximately 1.5 minutes
Short eulogy example (when words are hard to find)
Not everyone has a long speech in them. That's OK. Sometimes the bravest thing is keeping it brief.
> My father passed away on Tuesday. He was a good man. A quiet man. He worked hard, loved my mother for 42 years, and never missed a single one of my hockey games, even the ones where I spent more time on the bench than the ice. > > I don't have the words to describe what he meant to me. But I think he'd understand that. He wasn't much for words either. > > Thanks for being here, Dad. You did good.
~85 words / under 1 minute
How to deliver a eulogy when you're terrified of speaking
You've written something honest. Now you have to say it out loud. For most people, delivering a funeral speech is the hardest part, and almost nobody talks about it.
It's OK to cry. And it's OK to pause.
Tears are not a failure of public speaking. They're proof that you loved someone. The people in that room are with you, not judging you.
If your voice breaks, stop. Take a breath. Take a sip of water. Nobody is going to rush you. The silence isn't awkward, it's the room holding space for you.
Practical delivery tips
A few things that help:
- Print two copies, one for the podium, one folded in your pocket. If your hands are shaking and you lose your place, the backup is there.
- Bring water and tissues. Put them at the podium before the service starts. You don't want to be looking for them when you need them.
- Speak slower than feels natural. Grief makes us rush. Pausing between paragraphs gives the audience (and you) time to absorb what you're saying.
- Make eye contact when you can, but don't force it. Looking at a friendly face in the crowd can ground you. Looking down at your paper is fine too.
- Designate a backup reader. Before the service, ask a trusted person: "If I can't get through it, will you take over?" Knowing that safety net exists can be enough to help you finish.
What if you can't deliver it yourself?
Here's what people rarely say out loud: you don't have to be the one who reads your eulogy. The writing itself is what matters.
If standing up feels impossible -- because of grief, anxiety, or simply the kind of person you are -- there are other ways to share what you wrote:
- Have a family member or officiant read it on your behalf. You wrote the words. They carry your love whether your voice delivers them or someone else's does.
- Record a video or audio message to be played during the service. This lets you speak from a place where you feel safe.
- Write a letter to your loved one and place it with their ashes, in the casket, or at the memorial display. It doesn't need an audience to matter.
None of these are lesser. Every single one is an act of love.
Eulogy for a celebration of life vs a traditional funeral
The tone of your eulogy should match the spirit of the event.
At a traditional funeral, eulogies tend to be more reflective. They may include religious readings, formal language, and a tone of solemn gratitude. If you're speaking at a church or mosque, check with the officiant about any guidelines or time limits.
At a celebration of life, the mood is often lighter. Laughter is welcome. Stories can be funnier, more informal, more "them." You might reference your dad's terrible jokes or your friend's legendary cooking disasters. The goal is to capture who they really were, not a polished version.
Both are valid. Both are love. Match the tone to how your loved one actually lived, not to what feels expected. If you're planning a celebration of life, our celebration of life etiquette guide covers what to expect and how to plan the event itself.
You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be honest.
The best eulogy isn't the one with the most polished prose or the cleverest turn of phrase. It's the one that makes the room nod and think, yes, that's exactly who they were.
Your loved one wouldn't want you to agonize over this. They'd want you to say something true, take a breath, and then go be with the people you both care about.
If you're navigating a loss right now and need help with arrangements, Cleo's team is here 24/7. We handle the logistics -- transportation, paperwork, cremation -- so you can focus on the things that matter, like finding the right words for the person you love.
One call is all it takes.
(438) 817-1770