Not everyone wants a funeral. Some families want dancing. Some want a backyard gathering with beer and the person's favourite playlist. Some want nothing formal at all, just an afternoon where people who loved the same person can be together.
All of that is a celebration of life. And if traditional funeral conventions feel wrong for the person you're honouring, they're not mandatory.
This guide walks through how to plan a non-traditional celebration from start to finish: the decisions you'll need to make, how to handle the logistics, and how to involve people in a way that feels genuine rather than ceremonial.
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Start with who they were, not what's expected
The most common mistake in planning a non-traditional memorial is starting with a list of "things to do" rather than a clear picture of the person.
Before you think about venue, food, or format, spend some time with these questions:
- What did they do with their free time?
- Where did they feel most like themselves?
- What would they have said if you asked them how they wanted to be remembered?
- What made them laugh?
- What would they have absolutely not wanted?
That last question is often the most clarifying. "He hated standing around in good clothes making small talk" or "She would have wanted people to be celebrating, not crying" gives you a clear direction.
The goal isn't a perfect event. It's something that, when it's over, people say felt like them.
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Choosing a format that fits
Non-traditional celebrations don't have a required structure. Some common formats:
Open house: People come and go over several hours. Food is out, music is playing, photos are displayed. No program, no agenda. Works well for people who had a wide social circle across different periods of their life.
Themed gathering: Built around something the person loved — a decade, a place, a hobby, a sports team. Guests arrive knowing this is a celebration, not a service.
Outdoor event: At a park, a backyard, a lakeside spot they loved. Especially meaningful for people who spent their lives outside.
Small dinner: Just close family and friends. A meal cooked from their recipes. Intimate and unhurried.
Activity-based: A hike they loved, a round of golf, a pub trivia night. Something that gets people moving and talking rather than sitting in rows.
You can combine elements. An outdoor gathering in the afternoon that moves inside for dinner. A themed open house that ends with a shared meal.
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Practical logistics: what you actually need to figure out
Venue: Private property (a home or backyard) is the simplest option — no permits, no booking fees, full control. For outside gatherings on public land, most parks and conservation areas have simple permit processes for private events. Call ahead.
If you want a venue that isn't someone's home, look for restaurants with private rooms, community halls, rooftop spaces, or places the person frequented. Some venues have no rental fee if you're spending on food and drink.
Timing: There's no requirement to hold a celebration within any specific timeframe after a death. Many families wait two to six weeks to allow out-of-town family to travel, for the immediate shock to settle, and to have enough time to plan something that actually reflects the person. A date three weeks out is completely normal.
Guest communication: A simple email or group text works. Include the date, location, format ("this is a casual backyard gathering, not a formal service"), and whether people should bring anything. If there are people you don't have contact information for, ask someone who does.
Food and drink: Potluck is warm and personal. Catering is easier. A favourite restaurant delivering food is somewhere in between. Match the food to the person: a barbecue for someone who loved summer cooking, a wine and cheese spread for someone who hosted dinner parties.
Music: Build a playlist of their actual music, not generic background music. Ask family members to contribute songs that meant something. If they played an instrument, see if someone in the group can play it.
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Elements that make it personal
Beyond format, these specific touches tend to make non-traditional celebrations memorable:
A photo display: Physical prints arranged on a table or wall. People gather here naturally. If you have old photos, scan and print them. Polaroid-style prints are especially warm.
A memory-sharing moment: This doesn't have to be formal. A jar where people write memories on slips of paper. A prompt passed around the table: "Tell a story about the time..." A shared moment that invites participation without requiring a eulogy.
Something of theirs in the room: Their tools. Their collection. Their garden plants. Their worn-out armchair. The presence of their things makes the space feel inhabited by them.
A ritual that acknowledges the loss: Non-traditional doesn't mean emotionless. A moment of silence, a candle lit, a song played all the way through. Something that says "we know why we're here" without requiring a formal ceremony.
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Involving children
Children handle grief better when they're included rather than excluded. A non-traditional celebration is often easier for children than a formal service, because the atmosphere is warmer and less confusing.
Give kids a specific role: greeting people at the door, helping set out food, tending the photo display, choosing a song. Having something to do keeps them engaged and makes them feel part of honouring someone they loved.
If children want to share a memory, let them. It's often the most moving moment of the whole gathering.
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What to do with the ashes at a non-traditional celebration of life
A non-traditional celebration gives you flexibility about where the ashes fit in. Some families have them present at the gathering. Others scatter them at a meaningful location before or after. Others keep them at home indefinitely.
There's no timeline and no requirement. Many families find that holding the celebration first, then making a quieter decision about the ashes with immediate family, feels right.
When you're ready to think about options, many families find it easier to have cremation handled separately — before or after the gathering — so the celebration can focus entirely on the person. Cleo offers direct cremation in Quebec and Ontario at a fixed, all-inclusive price, with ashes delivered to your door whenever you're ready. The timeline is entirely yours.
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When family members have different ideas
Not everyone will want a non-traditional gathering. Someone in the family may feel strongly that there should be a more conventional service, a religious component, or a more formal tone.
The most useful question is: what did the person who passed away actually want? If they expressed a preference, that settles it. If not, find a way to honour different needs without making the event feel like a compromise. A gathering can have a moment of religious reflection without being a religious service. A casual format can still include a formal toast. Small concessions that cost nothing can prevent significant conflict.
If conflict is significant, focus on what everyone agrees on: that the person deserves to be remembered well. That's usually enough common ground to build from.
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Getting started
You don't need to plan everything at once. Start with the date, the location, and the format. Everything else follows from those three decisions.
If you're also managing the cremation arrangements, Cleo's team is available 24/7 to handle that side of things. Once the practical details are settled, you can give your full attention to planning something that genuinely honours the person you loved. Reach us at (438) 817-1770.